Beep Twice
by Sassirin
Summary: Jean is in college and is just about to journey into the homo. Too bad he can't see for himself that he's been on this trip since Day 1 - Marco. [One day, Jean finds out that a majority of his friends are gay.] Crack.


**Summary**: **Jean is in college and is just about to journey into the homo. Too bad he can't see for himself that he's been on this trip since Day 1 - Marco**.

_Author's Notes_: _Just a quick fic! I'm in a writing slump and in a whole mess of stress! I needed to write something, so here it is!_

_If you squint really hard, you'll see that it's really just a crack series about Jean and "no-homo."_

* * *

An annoying quirk about Jean was that he does what he wants.

A lot of people compared him and Eren as the same—how they both pretty much walked forward with unwavering recklessness and slight disregard for other factors. The thing about Jean, though, wasn't that he doesn't think once about what he wants or does; rather, it was that he also doesn't think _twice_. (Eren was a different case, altogether.)

It was because of this bad habit—this annoying _quirk_—and this attitude that allowed Jean to just mindlessly and quite casually waltz into Bertholdt's house on a Sunday afternoon like he owned the place. He had trudged up the staircase with his chin held high and bored, hands fished into his pockets as he stomped on each step loudly just because he liked the sound. And finally, he had immediately turned left into Bertholdt's room without so much as knocking and just about ready to nag to Bertholdt about homework only to be suddenly choke on guttural noises once he came upon the sight of Bertholdt and Reiner engaging each in a not-so-casual make-out session on the old, indigo couch that Bertholdt bought from a garage sale.

Jean stood there with wide eyes and mouth gaped like a fish as he pointed a shaky finger up to their direction, looking for the world like he found a faulty secret of the universe. Almost immediately after, it was because of his quirk that Jean completely blurted out, "Bert, you're gay?!" in a voice so squeaky and incredulous that it should've been videotaped because it had been right at the point that Bertholdt just pulled away from Reiner's mouth with a string of saliva dripping down their chins.

Jean hadn't realized the intensity of what he just said until after Bertholdt scrambled off of Reiner's lap—_straddling_! —and grabbed him by the shirt with the intent of kicking him out of his house. Jean was nothing but in a shocked stupor even as he hit the pavement of the sidewalk and landed near Bertholdt's mailbox with the bent flag. He hadn't even registered his actions as he got up, pulled out his phone, and called up the first person his finger randomly pressed on — Eren.

"Are you getting in or what?!"

And Jean just got in; he easily let himself slide into Eren's car without a word of protest and all this hadn't registered in his mind until Eren intentionally hit the curb on his side of the car and forced him to smack his face against the window.

"_Fuck_," Jean spat, a disdained groan rumbling from out of his mouth. He glared at Eren. "Watch where you're driving, stupid!"

"Fuck you," Eren sounded indignant. He scowled and tightened his hands on the wheel. "You're the one who's acting stupid! I've been calling your stupid name for the last five blocks, damn horseface!"

Jean growled. "Can't you see that I was distracted?! And besides, I—_wait._ What the heck am I doing in _your_ car? Why are _you_ driving me home?!" He shrieked as if he just committed a crime against nature.

On the other hand, Eren hadn't answered at first.

Instead, he slowed his car down right in front of the red street light, smoothly settling right next to a family minivan on his left. There were two kids who were sitting in the back and had immediately flattened their faces right up against the window to stare in awe at the flame designs painted on his car. The mom inside gave sideways glance to him and Jean and set to urging her children to sit down and get back into their seatbelts.

Jean just raised an eyebrow.

Eren wordlessly reached over to the radio, switched into a much more kid-friendly station, and took the notch up to full volume so that whatever song blasted their eardrums out.

Jean just cringed and released a yelp while Eren left one hand on the wheel, turned over to him, and yelled out in a voice that was a hybrid between a pissed-off shout and loud talking.

"_Fuck you to the moon and back, asshole. Get the fuck out of my car_."

Jean was offended — well, not really.

"You can't do that!"

The street light turned green and Eren quickly turned the radio off, pressed on the gas pedal a few times for the kids, and then zoomed ahead.

"What was that for?!"

"You're the one who called _me_ up and pretty much pissed yourself for me to come get you!" Eren huffed. "_Pick me up! Just come pick me up!_ Be happy that I had the heart to come get you after I just finished my shirt!"

At this, Jean growled and lowered his eyes down, noting that Eren was indeed still wearing his uniform. "Fine," He said and crossed his arms, leaning his head against the tinted windows and staring out. "Thanks, stupid pizza boy."

"You're not welcome."

"I should've just asked Mikasa to come and get me."

Eren snorted. "Like my sister's gonna come from the next city just pick _you_ up." As a few seconds pass, he let a silence grow between them until he gave a sideways glance at Jean, slacking his jaw. "How'd you get to Bert's place anyways?"

"Marco dropped me off."

"Figures. And? Bert's car works fine. Why didn't you get him to drop you back home?"

Jean groaned long and covered his face with his hands. The tips of his ears were getting red. "Don't even ask me that."

"Then you're getting out of my car."

"_Fine_," Jean choked. "I saw something at Bert's place, but it wasn't a ghost." And then he scrunched up his face awkwardly, eyes squinting because he had no idea what kind of face to make. "Bert's gay. Reiner too."

"Yeah?" Eren raised an eyebrow. "What else?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Jean deadpanned. "Since _when_? _Fuck!_ We've been friends since diapers. I shit you not, I even fuckin' know where one of secret moles are!" And a look of realization suddenly dawned onto him. "I bet you Reiner probably found out about it too."

"And I just found about it too. _Thanks_." Eren rolled his eyes. "I _really_ wanted to know that they're the ones that only Reiner should be able to find." He snorted. "Get over it, horseface. Obviously, you don't look around you."

And Jean did just that. "I don't see anything."

There was so much temptation to just whack Jean upside the head. "I meant that it's already done anyways, stupid. Just take a look at Krista and Ymir."

"Those two?" Jean said. "They've been married ever since I introduced Ymir to Krista after she transferred out from that private school. That's old news."

"Yeah?" Eren turned the wheel to the left, coming up to Jean's neighborhood. "And what about Marco?"

Jean sniffed. "What about Marco?"

"Aren't you two joined at the hip? Don't you ever look at Marco and yourself and see it?"

"See what?"

Eren face-palmed himself. _Are you kidding me?!_

"Hey, horseface, where's your birthday?"

"It fuckin' passed two weeks ago, dipshit."

Eren cursed. "Should've gotten you a mirror then."

"I'm not a girl, asshole. I don't need a mirror, especially from you."

"Yeah, I'm sure you would be if Marco ever gets to you." Eren muttered darkly, low under his breath.

"What the hell? What does Marco have to do with this!"

However, Jean didn't get an immediate response.

Eren had slammed on the brake and forcefully pulled up right in front of Jean's house with a screech. For the second time that day, Jean almost got himself hit with Eren's car, just nearly crashing out to the windshield.

"Shit! Whoever said it was okay for you to have a license—!"

"Armin said." Eren had answered, looking for the world all high and mighty with his smug expression. "Anyways, get out of my car, horseface. Armin's gonna give me shit if I don't get home on time."

"_Pity_." Jean spat out as he pushed the car door open and got himself out.

(_Eren hadn't even bothered to get him to put his seatbelt on the entire time! He sure wasn't ever going to ride with Jaeger ever again —_ _the jerk!_)

All Jean heard was the sound of Eren's engine getting lower and lower as he stepped into his house and then tucked his shoes off to the side. There was the scent of dinner wafting through the air as he passed by the kitchen, with his mom commenting on how he was home pretty early and didn't expect him at this time

It wasn't as if Jean could help it though. Bertholdt was like a tank when angry and Jean experienced it for the umpteenth time in his life as he felt himself get picked up and promptly thrown out. He was just pretty glad that Bertholdt didn't toss him out the old window by his bed. They both pretty much know that Jean could fit it through it just fine.

_They were kissing and making-out and tongue! _The only time Jean ever saw Bertholdt's tongue sticking out like that was when they were five and Bertholdt wanted to catch a snowflake.

Not even in his wildest dreams did Jean ever think that his childhood friend would ever be gay_—_and with Reiner, of all people. (Though, this, Jean had to slightly believe since Reiner was just as stuck to Bertholdt as he was with Marco.)

After that thought, Jean did stop by the mirror hanging in his hallway, checking just for clarity's sake and not the advice of Jaeger what was on his face. He gave himself a once over, switching angles from left-to-right, up-and-down. There was nothing but his handsome features that he could spot and all Jean could think then was that Eren was being stupid.

Jean shrugged.

He'll just need to look at Marco tomorrow morning then.


End file.
